FeedCity: McSweeney’s

McSweeney’s
23 Oct 18:06 • Julie Klausner

Halloween Costume Ideas for Gen Xers

1. Wait, for real? 2. When is Halloween anyway? 3. You’re serious? I need to dress up? Why? Please don’t tell me we’re going out. Are we going out? Please don’t tell me we’re going out. 4. And not to a party. Anything but a party. I can’t deal with the idea of a party. At NI...

McSweeney’s
23 Oct 13:42 • Elizabeth Kleinfeld

An Open Letter to Everyone at Gate B32 Who Is Clearly Jealous of My Airport Wheelchair

To My Fellow Passengers, I see you, craning your necks at the gate, watching me get wheeled past the entire boarding line like some kind of parade float, and I know what you’re thinking: Must be nice. And you know what? It is nice. I am the first person on every flight I tak...

McSweeney’s
22 Oct 19:51 • Cezary Jan Strusiewicz

While I Oppose Sauron, I Would Rather Mordor Win Than Be Held Hostage by the Ents

“Veteran Democratic strategist James Carville said he would rather see Republicans keep control of the House by five seats than watch Democrats win the chamber by the same margin, warning that a ‘nightmare’ razor-thin majority would leave party leaders ‘hostage to the DSA.’”...

McSweeney’s
22 Oct 17:42 • Ali Fitzgerald

Scavengers

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

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McSweeney’s
22 Oct 15:42 • Lauren McDowell

A Middle-Aged and World-Weary Emily Elizabeth Looks Back at Her Time with Clifford the Big, Red Dog

“Clifford? The big red dog? Yeah, I knew him.” “It says here you owned—” I said. “My parents owned him,” she said, cutting me off, ashing her cigarette over my beer. “But you could say that I raised him. Well, I tried.” She let out a huge wheeze that turned into a ragged cou...

McSweeney’s
02:30 • Jack Loftus

Whatever Happened to the Good Old-Fashioned Racist Attack Ad?

“Vivek Ramaswamy’s campaign for Ohio governor is pouring $4 million into a bombshell ad in which his opponent’s estranged mother attacks her daughter—doubling down on the message despite fierce bipartisan backlash.” — Axios - - - Remember me? Of course you do. I’m the infamo...

McSweeney’s
21 Oct 19:48 • Jasmine Mote

Why Get Romantic with AI When You Can Message Your High School Ex-Boyfriends at 9:30 p.m. on a Wednesday?

I don’t mean to sound old fashioned, but I just don’t get the appeal of having a romantic relationship with AI. If you want to interact with someone with vague intentions and the prospect of nonthreatening romantic tension, do the proper thing and message your high school ex...

McSweeney’s
21 Oct 19:48 • Jonathan Zeller

Ghostface Asks: “What’s Your Favorite Albert Brooks Movie?”

2026 marks the thirtieth anniversary of the original Scream movie. The blockbuster is a horror classic and has spawned a franchise that continues to produce new installments to this day, but its original screenplay would have produced a film totally unrecognizable to those w...

McSweeney’s
00:48 • Miriam Jayaratna, Emily Flake, and Wendi Aarons

Recommendations from Robert Kennedy Jr.’s Women’s Health Task Force

“President Donald Trump on Monday signed an executive order aiming to bolster women’s health… The order includes the creation of a Women’s Health Task Force… The task force will be headed by White House chief of staff Susie Wiles and Health and Human Services Secretary Rober...

McSweeney’s
20 Oct 19:06 • Nick DiLallo

I Am the World’s Most Annoying Website

Welcome. So excited you’re here. I’d love to tell you what I’m all about, but first I’ll need to access your camera and microphone. Don’t overthink it. I just want to give you the best experience, and that means being able to see and hear you at all times. Next, please accep...

McSweeney’s
15:54 • Jesse Nathan

Short Conversations with Poets: Lindsay Turner

Repetition is a principle of composition for Lindsay Turner. She paints with it. “Outside,” she writes, “it was very cold. / It was snowing in Paris, in the south. / In the desert it snowed …” and then a couple of lines later, “in the northeast it has snowed so much it didn’...

McSweeney’s
20 Oct 13:54 • Ginny Hogan

Kalshi Updates the American Dream

These are dark times. It’s easy to feel like you can work and work and work and still not get ahead, but that’s only because that happens to be true. Fortunately, the American Dream is not fully dead. There’s one way you can still make it in this country: online prediction m...

McSweeney’s
20:15 • Kathryn Baecht

Only a Good Guy with a Gun

Only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun who’s trying to stop another good guy with a gun who’s jumping out of his vehicle to run and stop a bad guy with a gun who’s blasting his way into an elementary school to stop a teacher with a phone from tackling a bad ...

McSweeney’s
13:42 • Cezary Jan Strusiewicz

As a Devout Christian, I Believe Everyone Should Be Free to Practice My Religion

“Michigan Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed clashed with a voter who asked him to disavow the Muslim Brotherhood, prompting an extended exchange in which the progressive contender accused the man of questioning his loyalty to the U.S. because of his religion.” — New...

McSweeney’s
16 Oct 18:06 • Robert Rooney

Won’t Someone Please Stop Me, Dr. Frankenstein, from Building the Creature?

“Not building the technology deprives humanity of benefits or simply places AI in the hands of authoritarian powers, while building it too fast is reckless… but over the last few months, I have become convinced that fully addressing the risks requires even more prudence.” — ...

McSweeney’s
16 Oct 13:42 • Kerry Elson and Ali Solomon

Tarot Cards for Teachers

The Tower You may possess a large pile of mandated curriculum materials for your first-grade class, including a guide for a unit called “America: Let’s Only Say Hooray!” You will claim you use these materials with fidelity when the district conducts a walkthrough. - - - Th...

McSweeney’s
15 Oct 20:06 • Talia Argondezzi

Mammogram or Tenth-Grade Boyfriend?

1. Acquired because everyone else had one, so you felt like you should too

2. Comes with warnings from more experienced peers that you’re going to get hurt

3. Involves a crush

4. Is awkward

5. Makes you feel grown up

6. Is embarrassing to talk about with your parents

7. Involves spending time in dark rooms looking at screens

8. Feels like a rite of passage

9. Demands nudity from the waist up

10. Squeezes your boobs

11. Gives you an unsolicited 1-4 rating of your breast tissue density

12. Never shares images of your breasts without your permission

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Mammogram: 1-12
Your Boyfriend in Tenth Grade: 1-11

McSweeney’s
15 Oct 18:06 • Ali Fitzgerald

Natural Limericks

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

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McSweeney’s
15 Oct 13:39 • Stella Welles

A French Bulldog’s Acceptance Speech for Being Named the American Kennel Club’s Most Popular Dog Breed for the Fourth Consecutive Year

First, I have to thank my mother, or the “vieille bitch” as my siblings and I used to call her. In truth, I actually had a solitary childhood and imaginary littermates. My mom’s womb was so misshapen that only one or two pups could survive in that thing. Plus, I ingested my ...

McSweeney’s
15 Oct 02:48 • Patrick Coyne

By Executive Order, I Hereby Outlaw Pooping by All American Women

By the authority vested in me, Donald J. Trump, as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered that all US citizens of the female persuasion are barred from engaging in acts of defecation. Following several productive and ...

McSweeney’s
14 Oct 17:39 • Natalia Ballinger

If Restoration Hardware Were a Person

His name would be Logan. He would send you five-hundred-page tomes celebrating himself with thousands of glossy selfies that all look pretty much the same. He would eat only beige food. He would own dozens of neoclassical marble busts and torsos, even though his knowledge of...

McSweeney’s
14 Oct 13:12 • Emily Greenberg and Chris Monks

Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: September 2026: Atrocities 1281-1352

Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent to track them, to e...

McSweeney’s
13 Oct 21:45 • Nathan Cowley

Winston Smith Is Forced Down The Jennifer Hudson Show Spirit Tunnel

“The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world,” said O’Brien. A guard came in, carrying something made of wire, a box or basket of some kind. “In your case,” said O’Brien, “the worst thing in the world happens to be—” “The Jennifer Hudson Show Spirit Tunnel!...

McSweeney’s
13 Oct 13:57 • Jack Loftus

David Brooks Knows a Nazi When He Sees One

“Jon Ossoff, my advice to him is, if you start calling your political opponents Nazis, maybe it’s time to shut up. That’s just not what we do here in this country.” – Columnist David Brooks, in remarks made on PBS NewsHour - - - There is a troubling tendency in today’s Ameri...

McSweeney’s
09 Oct 19:06 • Kinsey Jasnoch

A Job Application Cover Letter from The Parent Trap’s Meredith Blake

Dear Hiring Team, I am very interested in the VP of Communications and Media Relations role at your company. Recently, I’ve served as Head of Publicity for Parker Knoll, a small, family-owned vineyard in Napa, where I increased profit by 200 percent by designing a new label ...

McSweeney’s
09 Oct 17:06 • Tyler Gooch

Crossword Clues Where It’s Clear the Puzzle’s Creator Got Themselves into a Jam Letter-wise

Roadside service one might call to repair a flat tire + an organization for recovering alcoholics + a popular battery size Txt. one might send if they thought something was funny, but their O key was broken and instead typed a Z Baklava, to a dyslexic The National Associatio...

McSweeney’s
09 Oct 12:42 • Rowdy Geirsson

A Short History of the Norse Defeat at Stamford Bridge for Bostonians

Art by Matt Smith - - - Now we all know that William, who was a real fuckin’ bastahd, conque’ahd England in 1066 when he n’ his buddies got in their boats on the beaches’ah Nahmandy n’ went n’ sailed ’em in the opposite dihrection that the Allied boats had gone in durin’ Wo...

McSweeney’s
08 Oct 19:06 • David Distenfeld

I’m the Guy Who Writes the Assembly Instructions for Kids’ Toys, You Stupid Idiot

It’s me, the author of countless wordless, step-by-step booklets for assembling your twenty-month-old’s favorite toys. Oh, you’re having trouble with that little plastic wheelbarrow? Wondering how something that’s only four pieces can take so long to assemble? Me—that’s how,...

McSweeney’s
08 Oct 19:06 • Ali Fitzgerald

Stumping

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

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McSweeney’s
08 Oct 12:42 • Michael Kleber-Diggs

Twelve Upsides to Gerontocracies

Gerontocracies are political systems that arise when leaders who are elected over and over and over again become significantly older than the general population. You may have noticed that gerontocracies have gotten a bad rep lately, what with all the freezing, falling, sleep...