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xkcd.com: A webcomic of romance and math humor.

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Tennis Balls

After initial tests created a series of large holes in the wall of the lab, the higher-power Scanning Tunneling Tennis Ball Microscope project was quickly shut down.

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Air Fact

'Wow, that must be why you swallow so many of them per year!' 'No, that's spiders. You swallow WAY more ants.'

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Anchor Screws

The biggest expense was installing the mantle ducts to keep the carbonate-silicate cycle operating.

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de Sitter

Our anti-de Sitter club is small at the moment, but I've started corresponding with the conformal field theory people.

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The Roads Both Taken

When you worry that you're missing out on something by not making both choices simultaneously by quantum superposition, that's called phomo.

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Anachronym Challenge

I have to pay with paper money.

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Push Notifications

NOTIFICATION: Now dismissing a head of the Notification Hydra… NOTIFICATION: Success! You have dismissed a head of the Notification Hydra!

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Tariffs

[later] I don't get why our pizza slices have such terrible reviews; the geotextile-infused sauce gives the toppings incredible slope stability!

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Stargazing 4

We haven't actually seen a star fall in since we invented telescopes, but I have a list of ones I'm really hoping are next.

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Decay Chain

If you have an old phone in a drawer, and you listen very carefully, you can occasionally hear the occasional tap of an emitted SIM card hitting the side of the drawer as the phone transmutes to a lower-end model.

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Orogeny

Most properties can only boast INDOOR heated floors.

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Terror Bird

There has long been debate about Big Bird's species, with some experts claiming he was a canary, but recent genetic analysis places him firmly in Cariamiformes.

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Rock Identification

'Is it worth anything?' 'I dunno, is the answer to that question worth another $5?'

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SawStart

Unfortunately, SawStart is one-use-only. Once started, the blade cannot be stopped, and must be replaced with a fresh blade while the running one is carefully disposed of.

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Cosmic Distance Calibration

This is the biggest breakthrough since astronomers noticed that the little crosshairs around red giant stars starting to burn helium are all the same size.

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Square Units

The biggest I've seen in a published source in the wild is an 80-fold error in a reported distance, which I think came from a series of at least three unit conversions and area/length misinterpretations.

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Lungfish

I know having so many base pairs makes rebasing complicated, but you're in Bilateria, so shouldn't you at LEAST be better at using git head?

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Planet Definitions

Under the 'has cleared its orbital neighborhood' and 'fuses hydrogen into helium' definitions, thanks to human activities Earth technically no longer qualifies as a planet but DOES count as a star.

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Off By One

It does come at the small cost of a LOT more off-by-40-or-50 errors.

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Water Balloons

Update: The physics department has recruited an astronomer who studies meteor fireballs.

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Omniroll

It seems wrong that Fruit by the Foot is only sold by weight or by number of rolls.

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Water Damage

Your homeowner's insurance might cover it, but be sure to check the subductible.

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Tall Structures

Briefly set a new record for tallest human-made structure by getting my knit sweater snagged on the skydiving plane door as I jumped and not noticing until I'd landed.

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Excusing Yourself

The most awkward part is when you have to pause to put on your shoes before you continue rolling out the door.

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RNA

2040s: RNA formed the basis for life each of the five known times it arose on the early Earth.

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Giants

I can't get over the suspicion that all those viral pictures are photoshopped and 'Flemish' belongs in the lower right circle.

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Scream Cipher

AAAAAA A ÃA̧AȂA̦ ǍÅÂÃĀÁȂ AAAAAAA!

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KM3NeT

Unfortunately, KM3NeT led to the discovery of the Pauli anglerfish, which emits Cherenkov radiation to prey on neutrino researchers.

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Archive Request

They just want researchers in the enclosure to feel enriched and stimulated. ('The Enclosure' is what archivists call the shadowy world outside their archives in which so many people are trapped.)

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Hardwood

They may technically have been softwoods at some point, but they definitely aren't now.