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xkcd.com: A webcomic of romance and math humor.

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Omniroll

It seems wrong that Fruit by the Foot is only sold by weight or by number of rolls.

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Water Damage

Your homeowner's insurance might cover it, but be sure to check the subductible.

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Tall Structures

Briefly set a new record for tallest human-made structure by getting my knit sweater snagged on the skydiving plane door as I jumped and not noticing until I'd landed.

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Excusing Yourself

The most awkward part is when you have to pause to put on your shoes before you continue rolling out the door.

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RNA

2040s: RNA formed the basis for life each of the five known times it arose on the early Earth.

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Giants

I can't get over the suspicion that all those viral pictures are photoshopped and 'Flemish' belongs in the lower right circle.

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Scream Cipher

AAAAAA A ÃA̧AȂA̦ ǍÅÂÃĀÁȂ AAAAAAA!

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KM3NeT

Unfortunately, KM3NeT led to the discovery of the Pauli anglerfish, which emits Cherenkov radiation to prey on neutrino researchers.

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Archive Request

They just want researchers in the enclosure to feel enriched and stimulated. ('The Enclosure' is what archivists call the shadowy world outside their archives in which so many people are trapped.)

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Hardwood

They may technically have been softwoods at some point, but they definitely aren't now.

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Atom

What's weirder is that muons turned out to be INCREDIBLY cute.

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Incoming Asteroid

The bottom ones are also potentially bad news for any other planets in our solar system that have been counting on Earth having a stable orbit.

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Suspension Bridge

As a first step, they can put in a secondary deck, to help drivers try it out and find out how fun the jumps are. After a while no one will use the old flat deck and they can remove it.

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Rotary Tool

It was great until my thumb slipped and I accidentally launched my telescope into the air at Mach 8.

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Stromatolites

If only my ancestors had been fortunate enough to marry into the branch of the bacteria family that could photosynthesize, like all my little green cousins here.

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AlphaMove

It struggles a little with complex positions, like when there are an even number of moves and it has to round down, but when run against itself it's capable of finding some novelties. At one point I saw six knights on the board at once; Stockfish rarely exceeds four.

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Humidifier Review

They should add a little sticker that certifies that the humidifier supports water conservation, but in the sense of energy conservation or momentum conservation.

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Muons

Update: I've been banned from the physics department for the way I pronounce "Doppler effect."

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T. Rex Evolution

Unfortunately, body size and bite force continue to increase.

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Unit Circle

They're continuing to search for a square with the same area as the circle, as efforts to construct one have run into difficulties.

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Chemical Formulas

Can you pass the nackle?

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Human Altitude

I wonder what surviving human held the record before balloons (excluding edge cases like jumping gaps on a mountain bridge). Probably it was someone falling from a cliff into snow or water, but maybe it involved something weird like a gunpowder explosion or volcano.

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Uncanceled Units

Speed limit c arcminutes^2 per steradian

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Radon

A good ²³⁸Umbrella policy should cover it.

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Chess Zoo

The zoo takes special care to keep kings separated from opposite-color pieces as part of their conservation program to prevent mating in captivity.

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Trimix

You don't want the nitrogen percentage to be too high or you run the risk of eutrophication.

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Features of Adulthood

I don't dig pit traps and cover them with sticks and a thin layer of leaves nearly as much as I expected; I find a chance to do it barely once a month.

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Origami Black Hole

You may notice the first half of these instructions are similar to the instructions for a working nuclear fusion device. After the first few dozen steps, be sure to press down firmly and fold quickly to overcome fusion pressure.

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Skew-T Log-P

The most important quantity for meteorologists is of course the product of latent pressure and temperostrophic enthalpy, though 'how nice the weather is' is a close second.

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Time Capsule Instructions

Inside is a third box, labeled DO NOT OPEN UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE TIME ZONE WHERE YOU OPENED BOTH PREVIOUS BOXES.