“A.I. capacity may soon displace oil or enriched uranium as the resource that dictates the global balance of power. [Open AI’s C.E.O.] Sam Altman has said that computing power is ‘the currency of the future.’” — The New Yorker - - -
Gather around, everyday working people, an...
Thanks for reaching out. I’ve stepped away from my office, but I’ll respond promptly when I return. To clear up any confusion, please be advised that: I don’t suffocate people with pillows. Hexes cost extra. I don’t know Florence + The Machine personally, although I have me...
I’m reaching out because, well, I’ve got this shipment of 2.1 million barrels of crude oil, and I would LOVE it if I could just squeeze on by and pass through the Strait of Hormuz? Honestly, no worries if not, though! It’s just that the vast amount of crude oil I have aboard...
“After agreeing to sell all its assets last month for less than 1 percent of its previous $4 billion valuation, the shoe company Allbirds announced on Wednesday that it would ‘pivot its business’ to artificial intelligence.” — New York Times - - -
We at Fisher-Price have alw...
Yikes, look at all these burnt-out doctors and over-extended nurses barely keeping up with the preventable ailments of a populace too busy working to take care of itself. I can plainly see the staff is so used to bending over backward, they won’t admit they’re broken. It’s a...
Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.
Harry, 18 Only son, set to inherit a great fortune: land, absolute power, direct connection to God, and more. Seeking a slightly older woman, preferably of Spanish royal blood, willing to testify to papal court that she hasn’t already slept with my (deceased) older brother t...
April 1965 Meeting to Discuss Boob Cancer Problem CARL: Gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news: We’ve just discovered that cancer can grow in women’s breasts. TED: Oh no. That is going to ruin breasts for me. FRANK: Me too. CARL: As medical professionals, it’s incumbent up...
Let me be the first to congratulate you on seeking help. As a clinician, I know it takes great courage to confront wedding planning. It’s a terminal condition, of course, but there are ways to cope. First, know that there is no wrong way to respond to wedding planning. Every...
“President Trump lashed out at Pope Leo XIV in a lengthy social media post Sunday night, calling the pontiff ’WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy.” — CBS News - - -
As Republicans, we were excited when the Catholic Church elected an American pope. America is the g...
Out of the blue, my childhood friend and former neighbor Rita texted me a while ago to tell me that she had gone back to Lebanon, where we both grew up, for the first time in forty-three years. A few seconds later, she sent me several photos. One showed the building we both ...
Take a casual swig of club soda disguised as vodka soda every time you attend a gathering and are trying to hide that you’re newly pregnant. Take a tiny, carefully controlled sip of water every time you vomit. Take another sip of water every time you vomit up the water you j...
“Eric Swalwell, a Democratic congressman from the San Francisco Bay Area, said on Monday that he is resigning after allegations he sexually assaulted a former staff member and engaged in misconduct with other women.” — New York Times - - -
I’m sure the many people who calle...
After weeks of debating, I finally got a walking pad that I can slide right under my bed and never step foot on. It’s so sleek and light, you can store it anywhere and forget you ever bought it. I make health a priority by spending money on things that I’ll use a few times, ...
“Vice President JD Vance’s failure to win the concessions the United States sought from Iran in a single, marathon negotiating session over its nuclear program was no surprise… The failure leaves the Trump administration facing several unpalatable options.” — New York Times ...
How do I find my local H&R Block? Enter your zip code on our website to find an H&R Block near you. Alternatively, just drive by any property that used to contain a Spirit Halloween. Can I file my taxes online? You can, but it hurts our feelings when you use our serv...
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Fishing apparel mentioned: A tarpon-wear shirt Old bib-front overalls Bow ties and club blazers Jean shorts - - -
It will come as no surprise to longtime readers of Thomas McGuane’s work that while I was speaking with him, I was moved by his kindness, his incisive i...
“The Birth Rate Is Falling, and It Has Nothing to Do with the Cost of Housing, Health Care, or Childcare. It’s Women” “The Falling Birth Rate: A Crisis with Many Complex Causes, All of Them Female” “Women Cite ‘Financial Instability’ for Not Having Children. What Aren’t They...
Dear Hiring Manager, I am setting aside my aspirations and sense of self-worth to apply for the Global Account Project Management Executive position at Capital Ventures. Despite my disdain for and ethical opposition to generative AI, I’ve asked ChatGPT to write this cover le...
Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.
My Dear Third Grader, I am terribly sorry you got sick at school this morning. I should have believed you when you said you were not feeling well, even if this was your tenth time saying that this month alone. I should have sensed that today would be the day when you would a...
Look, we all know it’s been a rough couple of weeks. We’re a month into a war that even the most die-hard MAGA loyalists didn’t want, and things have gotten so bad that it finally broke Tucker Carlson. He’s beginning to say things that almost sound sensible. But just because...
As a longtime gym-goer, I am the target audience for all manner of protein-packed bullshit. Protein coffee? Can’t start the day without it. Protein salsa? Pass the chips. At the height of my weightlifting fixation, there were years when the friendly snake-oil salesmen at GNC...
“In a series of Situation Room meetings, President Trump weighed his instincts [about going to war with Iran] against the deep concerns of his vice president and a pessimistic intelligence assessment. Here’s the inside story of how he made the fateful decision.” — An excerp...
Calm down. I don’t necessarily see what all the fuss is about. In all honesty, I also read the Dread Lord Nyarlathotep’s post this morning and was surprised by it, same as you. We all know he’s the Crawling Chaos, and that title implies a certain degree of unpredictability. ...
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McSweeney’s contributor Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into All Toddlers Are Scorpios a hilarious astrology guide illustrated by cartoonist (and McSweeney’s contributor) Emily Flake. We’re thrilled to share an excerpt today from th...
When my country attacked my country, I cheered with enthusiasm and gasped in horror. “Now they’d get what they deserved, those bastards,” I said in the angry tone of the men I’d watched in black and white movies about World War II. Then I beat my chest and wailed and tried t...
#———————————————— #File: exist.female #Last Updated: Before you were born #Status: Auto-enrolled #Effective Date: Immediately #Opt-Out: Not Available #Note: You did not click anything. #Note: It’s still your problem. #————————————————- INIT woman(); #————————————————— #GENER...
My God. What has happened to the Republican Party? The Party of Lincoln, for goodness’ sake! Nothing about them resembles the Party of Lincoln. Like, for instance, they have a signature hat, but it’s not a stovepipe one. They don’t wear blankets over their shoulders and laps...
Wherever I look, my gaze can find something horrific on which to focus. Whether it be news of atrocities committed by our fascist-leaning governments, obvious acceleration towards environmental collapse, or the Criterion Collection’s glaring omission of the Jackass series, h...
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