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xkcd.com: A webcomic of romance and math humor.

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Service Outage

Now, if it were the *Canon* wiki, it's possible to imagine someone with a productivity-related reason for consulting it, but no one's job requires them to read that much about Admiral Daala.

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EPIRBs

'Oh no, the box is drifting out into the harbor!' 'Yeah, I wouldn't worry about losing it.'

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Beam Dump

We're adding some industrial flypaper to minimize reflection or scattering of customers who might complain.

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Car Size

'They really shouldn't let those small cars drive in traffic. I worry I'm going to kill someone if I hit one! They should have to drive on the sidewalk, safely out of the way.'

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Big and Little Spoons

Are you the annoying spoon or the sleepy spoon?

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Earthquake Prediction Flowchart

At least people who make religious predictions of the apocalypse have an answer to the question 'Why didn't you predict any of the other ones that happened recently?'

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Metric Tip

The package weighs 7 kg 9 oz.

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Repair Video

The statue should be in the likeness of whatever sculptor posted the sculpting tool repair video that was most helpful during the installation of the statue.

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Heart Mountain

Even geology papers about Heart Mountain are like, "Look, we all agree this 'volcanic gas earthquake hovercraft' thing seems like it can't possibly be right, but..."

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Airspeed

Carefully maneuvering the balloon down a mineshaft in an effort to break the OTHER altitude record

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Document Forgery

It comes with a certificate of authenticity, which comes with a certificate of authenticity, which comes with a...

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Continents

The inflection point was probably in late 1966 or 1967, so when Neil Armstrong flew to space on Gemini 8, plate tectonics was not widely accepted, but when he landed on the Moon three years later it was the mainstream consensus.

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Shielding Chart

Sharks can occasionally travel short distances through air when pursuing prey, but their attenuation coefficient is pretty high.

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Emperor Palpatine

Many things about Star Wars were not well planned out, but having a 37-year-old in old-age makeup play the Emperor in Return of the Jedi was such an incredible call.

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Planetary Rings

If you don't know where you are on Earth, the angle of satellite dishes can help constrain your latitude. If some of them are pointing straight up, you're probably near the Equator, right under the ring.

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Physics Paths

If nothing else, that reasoning definitely overturns syllogisms.

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Physics Insight

When Galileo dropped two weights from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they put him in the history books. But when I do it, I get 'detained by security' for 'injuring several tourists.'

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Hot Water Balloon

Despite a reputation for safety, the temperatures and surprisingly high pressures make them even more dangerous than the air kind, but the NTSB refuses to investigate accidents because they insist there is no 'transportation' involved.

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Skateboard

I understand it's hard to do more than 300 feet on these 90-second rush jobs, but with a smaller ramp I'm worried the gee forces will be too high for me to do any tricks.

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Window Screen

The Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine or Home Improvement or DIY

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Ping

Progress on getting shipwrecked sailors to adopt ICMPv6 has been slow.

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Measure Twice, Cut Once

"Measure zero times, cut zero times." --carpenter who has achieved enlightenment and realized the wood is fine where it is

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100% All Achievements

I'm trying to share my footage of the full run to prove it's not tool-assisted, but the uploader has problems with video lengths of more than a decade.

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Hiking

Every downhill walk is a waterslide that might have been.

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Fantastic Four

One perk of being born at 0.88c is that your birthday is over two days long.

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Piercing

Some lava around the piercing site is normal, but keep an eye out for spreading earthquakes and eruptive activity that might indicate rifting.

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Phase Changes

People looking for the gaps in our understanding where the meaning of consciousness or free will might hide often turn to quantum uncertainty or infinite cosmologies, as if we don't have breathtakingly complex emergent phenomena right there in our freezers.

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Question Mark

Although now people will realize three-per-em space that all this time I've been using weird medium mathematical space whitespace characters in my hair space hair space hair space speech dot dot dot...

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-Style Pizza

If you want to see true audacity, do an image search for 'Altoona-style pizza.'

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Mantle Model

Mantle plumes explain Hawaii, Yellowstone, Iceland, the East African Rift, the Adirondack uplift, the Permian extinction, the decline of Rome, the DB Cooper hijacking, and the balrog in Moria. Those little hills of sand in your yard are caused by antle plumes.