Welcome… CUNY Hell’s Kitchen Class of 2026. Gooooo Twinks! Today… we CELEBRATE… Theculminationofyearsofhardwork. I want to thank Dean Meyer for her kind introduction. Dr. Meyer’s service to this institution is an inspiration. She has such a generous spirit, a wonderful brain...
Hark ye! I am hummingbird, tiny as a golf ball, dense as a chicken tender, with feathers the size of tomato seeds. I run on sugar. SUGAR. SUGAR WATER! Look look look look look look look, SHUT UP. Look. I built my house on your doorknob. Go around, use one of the other doors,...
Dear United States, Please accept these civil and cautiously optimistic congratulations on achieving a quarter millennium as a nation. We hope this reaches you in time for the celebrations. We didn’t realize that a “semiquincentennial” was an actual thing. Sorry. It’s become...
“It is unclear if the U.S. intentionally struck [Iran’s] water facilities, or knew what was in the buildings. Deliberately targeting civilian infrastructure could constitute a war crime under international law.” – The New York Times - - -
A few crybabies are claiming the Uni...
As AI companies get ready to go public and we get a deeper look at their inner workings, it’s only natural to have questions about their finances, like “Do they make money?” and “How?” Here are a few examples to help the average layperson understand the business side of AI. ...
Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.
Day 4,382 of people asking whether “normal workers” could really move large stones without assistance from mystical sky beings. Yes. That is generally how construction functions. - - -
A man approached me near the Nile today and whispered, “But have you considered… visitors ...
Welcome, soccer fans from around the globe, to the 2026 FIFA World Cup in the United States, Mexico, and Canada. We hope you have a pleasant stay with us and enjoy all the exciting experiences North America has to offer. Oh, and by the way, we’re monetizing the oxygen. Yes, ...
At SuperStrollers, we’re here for you, new parents. That’s why we’ve designed the world’s safest stroller with effortless steering and ample storage that’ll take you from the playground to the grocery store with ease. The best part? It’s super easy to fold as long as you hav...
I am Emperor Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus Caligula, successor of Tiberius, Son of the Divine Germanicus, and Supreme Commander and Holder of Tribunician Power, Pontifex Maximus. And I decree, in regard to the upcoming White House UFC event… It’s a bit much, right?...
One thing is for sure: we’ve never seen anything like it. The actions of this president and his administration are completely and utterly unprecedented. - - -
In an unprecedented move, the president chose to boost the inflation rate. That isn’t typically his job, although, i...
“[Scott] Pelley’s firing came after [Bari] Weiss dismissed several of his colleagues and hired a new 60 Minutes boss, Nick Bilton, whom Pelley then clashed with in a staff meeting. Pelley, along with a number of other 60 Minutes correspondents who were fired, have now accuse...
Today’s your lucky day, kid. I’m you from the future. I traveled back to 1955 to give you this sports almanac. It lists all the biggest sports events from now to the end of the century. All you have to do is bet on the winner, and you’ll never lose. You’re the fifth “me” I’v...
“Elon Musk has again weighed in on Christopher Nolan’s upcoming big-budget adaptation of The Odyssey, this time agreeing with a racist comment made by a far-right journalist who criticized the casting of Oscar-winning actor Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy.” — The Hollywood R...
“Several women who dated Graham Platner recall ‘unsettling’ behavior. The Democratic candidate for Senate in Maine could be charming, women said in interviews, but some found his actions intimidating and disturbing.” — The New York Times - - -
I must apologize. You see, rig...
Hey, thanks for reaching out. I get that you are having an existential crisis of self, facing the realities of aging, and accepting your social and economic circumstances, but listen, there is nothing I can do; I’m just a cat stretching in a bodega. And no, it doesn’t matter...
Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.
PRETEND: “We want diverse stories that push boundaries!” ACTUAL: “Just make sure your ‘diversity’ doesn’t make our white, straight readers uncomfortable. Gay but not too gay. Brown, but relatable. If your trauma can’t be solved by brunch, it’s a pass.” PRETEND: “Literature s...
“‘The leadership of 60 Minutes is no longer recognizable,’ Scott Pelley said late Tuesday, just hours after being fired from CBS News after almost 40 years at the network. ‘The principles I hold dear are gone, and so I must leave as well.’” — Variety - - -
Previously, in th...
Forgive me, Padre, for I have binged. Kissed brimstone. Huffed hellfire. Made a $5.99 deal with El Diablo for a five-pack of chicken nuggets. In the back booth of a Taco Bell Cantina, I plop down my tray like I’m late to the Last Supper. Spread before me: an unholy communion...
I’m a famous mystery novelist, power-walking enthusiast, and spunky widow who, despite my husband’s death, has not had my joie de vivre diminished in the slightest. Meeting me, perhaps you’d surmise that I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal who loves socializing, travel, and di...
Yeah, I’m rans, bu mos people can’ ell. Maybe hey can ell I’m nonbinary, bu mos days hey jus misgender me “hey ma’am” ( hough I’m no ). I was born his way, I always knew I was a bo...
Sweetie, sit down. I know you’ve been asking for a cell phone for a while now. And though your father and I both agree that you’re ready for the responsibility, we unfortunately can’t get you one just yet, or maybe ever, because we don’t know how to add you to Grandma’s fami...
Sweetie, sit down. I know you’ve been asking for a cell phone for a while now. And though your father and I both agree that you’re ready for the responsibility, we unfortunately can’t get you one just yet, or maybe ever, because we don’t know how to add you to Grandma’s fami...
Dear Human, We are pleased to inform you that after several decades of constant (if often subpar) operation, you have finally crossed the threshold from “garage sale junk” to “retro memorabilia.” Your body is no longer considered a worn-out, high-mileage clunker, but a herit...
Welcome to the wireless high-speed intranet and internet access system (“Wi-Fi System”) at Chicago O’Hare International Airport (“ORD”). Please read the following information, terms, and conditions carefully before using the ORD Free Wi-Fi. This agreement (“Agreement”) gover...
Welcome to the wireless high-speed Intranet and Internet access system (“Wi-Fi System”) at Chicago O’Hare International Airport (“ORD”). Please read the following information, terms, and conditions carefully before using the ORD Free Wi-Fi. This agreement (“Agreement”) gover...
Writers have problems. Writers win prizes. Writers play ping-pong, think other writers are their friends. Writers write baseball novels. Writers write war novels. Writers write about the South. Writers make music. Writers draw. Writers take pictures of their desks. Writers s...
Last week, Rafia Zakaria won the 2026 National Magazine Award in the category of Columns and Essays. The winning piece, “Water Pressure,” was published in Issue 150 of The Believer and is available to read in full on their website. It follows Zakaria’s father on his search f...
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