FeedCity: McSweeney’s

McSweeney’s
01 Jul 14:57 • Andrea Ryan and Abby McLellan

On the Historical Significance of the Male Low Ponytail

Throughout American history, the male low ponytail has transformed ordinary men into leaders, shifting the outcomes of wars and upending cultural norms. Here, we explore the immense impact of this powerful hairstyle. 1776: George Washington first asked the question: Who says...

McSweeney’s
30 Jun 21:06 • Teddy Wayne

My Gen-Z Sitcom

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT We are in a hip neighborhood that is like Williamsburg circa 2003. The roommates are a “three-person couple polycule,” although in this case, there is no polyamory, because young people these days never have sex. TONY enters on his skateboard. He has...

McSweeney’s
30 Jun 13:12 • Ginny Hogan and Carlos Greaves

Democrats Need to Win Back Voters by Becoming Republicans

The following is an excerpt from our upcoming book, Obey In Advance: How to Survive and Thrive Under Authoritarianism by longtime McSweeney’s writer Ginny Hogan and McSweeney’s resident satirist Carlos Greaves. From how to stick your head in the sand to avoid thinking about ...

McSweeney’s
29 Jun 19:00 • Andrew Patrick Clark

How to Hustle Like a Tech Founder

Mind on the Grind Founders know how to grind. Grind on the job. Grind at the gym. Grind your spices in an authentic molcajete. Grind your own meat for a perfect blend of Chuck, Skirt, and Sirloin. Grind your teeth as you lie in bed at night. When your dentist gives you a ret...

McSweeney’s
29 Jun 13:42 • Kelley Greene

Reviews of New Food: Bush’s Rocket Pop Flavored Baked Beans

America. A country known for its natural beauty, rugged individualism, and unhinged portion sizes. In celebration of the States’ 250th birthday, Bush’s Beans dug deep within their bean-well to create the ultimate patriotic (pardon my French) accouterments: Rocket Pop Flavore...

McSweeney’s
29 Jun 13:42 • Jeremy Hooper

The Proper Level of Enthusiasm for a Parent During Camp Dropoff

Upon arriving at the bus stop, your sigh should be that of the wistful and forlorn, not like a convert stumbling upon God’s holy grille. When the curious ask your dear camper’s length of stay, “Eight weeks!” must glide out like a person accepting the growing-out of a bad hai...

McSweeney’s
26 Jun 17:21 • Talia Argondezzi

To Solve the Housing Crisis, We Simply Need to Build More Homes (Just Not in My Town)

I’m heartbroken that the housing needs of my fellow citizens are not being met at either the national or local level. It’s especially upsetting when the solution is so simple: build more houses. But my town, just so you know, is full. In fact, the last new building that was ...

McSweeney’s
26 Jun 14:15 • JiJi Lee

Wirecutter Headlines During the Revolutionary War

“We Tested 100 Quill Pens to Find the Best One for Writing the Declaration of Independence” “The British Cut Off Our Salt Supply. Here are Five Dupes to Use Instead” “Here’s the Unfussy Telescope We Used to Monitor Hessian Mercenaries During the Battle of Trenton” “Why We Lo...

McSweeney’s
25 Jun 20:09 • Sebastian Petrou Griffith

Thank You for Experiencing Ego Death at the Hands of Our Digital AI-Fueled Panopticon Application Software

Dear applicant, After five rounds of interviews, three personality evaluations, a lie-detector test, electroshock therapy, and a metaphysical ascension into the unconscious plane, we’ve decided to go with a candidate whose experience more closely aligns with the listed posit...

McSweeney’s
25 Jun 18:09 • Ali Fitzgerald

Persona Hatching

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

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McSweeney’s
25 Jun 14:12 • Dan McCoy

My Manic Pixie Dream Femme Fatale

Her legs went all the way up to the fringe of her babydoll dress. Presumably further than that, but that’s where the bright polka dots distracted me from theorizing. They clashed with her fuchsia parasol, still open indoors, and her bottle-tangerine hair, which cascaded from...

McSweeney’s
24 Jun 19:06 • Carlos Greaves

Vandalizing Washington, DC, Is a Crime—Unless You’re Overturning an Election

“President Donald Trump called Monday for those he accused of vandalizing the newly renovated, and now quickly deteriorating, Reflecting Pool on the National Mall to face serious criminal charges that could result in lengthy prison sentences.” — CNN - - - President Trump’s s...

McSweeney’s
24 Jun 16:03 • Lisa Zucker

Human Visibility Scale

15-Year-Old Girl: Fully visible
15-Year-Old Boy: In your face!

25-Year-Old Woman: Lookin’ good
25-Year-Old Man: Bro!

35-Year-Old Woman: Partially obscured
35-Year-Old Man: BRO!

45-Year-Old Woman: Oops, sorry, I didn’t see you there
45-Year-Old Man: Loud and clear

55-Year-Old Woman: Foggy
55-Year-Old Man: Still hangin’ in there!

65-Year-Old Woman: Translucent
65-Year-Old Man: How ’bout them Cubs?

75-Year-Old Woman: Invisible
75-Year-Old Man: You’re still around? Looking dapper, bro!

McSweeney’s
24 Jun 12:42 • Oskar Milton

The Seven Meanings of “Fine,” in Descending Order of Plausible Deniability

1. Excellent. Fine as in cabernet. Fine as in dovetail joinery. Fine as in your mother’s china. The original meaning is still technically available. At a dinner party, when Margaret uses fine this way—"the duck was fine"—the table pauses, scans her for irony, finds none, and...

McSweeney’s
23 Jun 19:06 • Jack Loftus

An Open Letter to the Dead Duck Seen Floating in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

“A viral photograph of a dead duck floating in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool has intensified scrutiny of the landmark’s recent $14 million renovation, fueling a mounting debate over water quality, chemical treatments, and alleged vandalism at the historic site.” — New...

McSweeney’s
23 Jun 15:15 • Taylor Harris

The Hardest Thing to Say: On Neurodivergence and Work

You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - - You know the ra...

McSweeney’s
23 Jun 13:12 • Dan Nolan

Swim Strokes Throughout the Ages

400,000,000 BCE The creatures that will one day evolve to become human beings glide gracefully through the Paleozoic sea. They emerge onto the rocky shore with new legs, a new dominion for animals on this young marble planet. 300,000 BCE Drowning. 25,500 BCE Drowning. 1,500 ...

McSweeney’s
22 Jun 18:06 • Eric Hague

This Is the Part of Your Baby’s Cochlear Implant Procedure Where I Show Them Angine de Poitrine

In a moment, I will activate your baby’s cochlear implants. For the first time since she was born, she will be able to hear the world around her. You’ve probably thought a lot about the first thing you’d like to say to her. Maybe it’s her name, or that you love her very much...

McSweeney’s
22 Jun 12:45 • Andrew Martin

Clarence Thomas Offers an Originalist Reading of the TGI Fridays Menu

BEER/WINE/COCKTAILS “Try one of our new signature seasonal cocktails, Sour Cherry Fizz-Tini, Ocean Mist Margarita, or No Drama Bahama Mama!” A cursory reading of the above might lead one to believe the restaurant is no longer offering its popular White Chocolate Russian Mi...

McSweeney’s
19 Jun 14:12 • Wendi Aarons and Johanna Gohmann

Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood

Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing. Eric Hughes, who, while listening to his wife’s entire twenty-two-minute story about how rude Lauren always is at book club, did not...

McSweeney’s
18 Jun 19:03 • Julia McCloy, Kevin Lutz, Patrick Barb, and Sam Allemang

Dad Band Dad Jokes

What band is always in a hurry? Rush Which guitarist had the sauciest riffs? Spagh-Eddie Van Halen Why did AC/DC cancel their pool party? Thunder struck. What is Dark Side of the Moon about? It’s about forty-three minutes. Bon Jovi has a new diet where you eat one fruit ...

McSweeney’s
18 Jun 16:57 • Iwan Davies

Sir Ernest Shackleton’s Journal Entries from the Week He Stayed Home with His Sick Kids

Day 1 Pestilence has struck. The very week Endurance was to sail, Young Cecily awoke hot as a kettle. I, her loving father, could not depart frail Cecily in such a state. And Mrs. Shackleton is away at the suffragettes conference for the week, so old Shacky’s flying solo on...

McSweeney’s
18 Jun 14:54 • Emily Greenberg and Chase Bush-McLaughlin

Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: May 2026: Atrocities 931-1013

Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent to track them, to e...

McSweeney’s
17 Jun 18:06 • Joanna Clark

MAHA’s Plan to Wean Americans Off SSRIs

“As the federal health department launches a plan to wean patients off antidepressants, mental health advocates and psychiatrists say blaming the United States’ mental health crisis on overmedicalization and overprescription of psychiatric medications is an inaccurate portra...

McSweeney’s
17 Jun 13:39 • Tyler Gooch

Two Truths and a Lie as Played by Someone Eager to Share Their Experience Encountering Something Called “The Bog Rat”

All right, here we go. I’m so bad at these icebreakers, and you all had such interesting facts. First one: I’m a Beyoncé superfan, and I’ve seen her in concert seven times. One time, my friends and I waited behind the venue for like two hours after the show, and she signed m...

McSweeney’s
17 Jun 01:09 • Kate Chrisman

Introducing Peace 1.0™

“President Trump said he hoped the war with Iran would soon be in the ‘rearview mirror’ on Tuesday, even as the terms of a cease-fire he signed remained secret and Vice President JD Vance acknowledged that it was ‘a very general document’ with few details.” – New York Times ...

McSweeney’s
16 Jun 19:06 • Louie Aronowitz

Our War Against the Romulans Was an Overwhelming Success

“The Deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran is now complete. Congratulations to all!” — President Donald Trump, in a Truth Social post. - - - Citizens of the United Federation of Planets, as Starfleet’s Commander in Chief, I am pleased to announce: The war against the Romula...

McSweeney’s
16 Jun 13:39 • Sarah Schmelling

Reviews of New Food: Trader Joe’s Strawberry & Corn Flake Muffin & Loaf Cake Mix

You didn’t buy it because it looked enticing. Not because of its retro pink-and-gold packaging, and certainly not because of the photos on the box, which make the muffins look like tortilla-chip-sprinkled cups of raw ground beef. You bought it because your oldest kid is abou...

McSweeney’s
16 Jun 13:39 • Molly O. Kemper and Bethany Van Delft

Dos and Don’ts for Father’s Day Now That My Dad Is Dead

Pursuant to my father’s death earlier this year, Father’s Day should obviously have been canceled. However, due to an apparent clerical blunder, the holiday does seem to be approaching, notwithstanding its newfound lack of relevance. I presume that the error will be addresse...

McSweeney’s
16 Jun 01:06 • Ethan Seidenberg

The Art of the Nuclear Deal

“Iran deal ends Trump’s war that revealed limit of US dominance.” — BBC - - - Step One: Withdraw from any agreement your predecessor made. A truly great negotiator does not inherit a deal; he wipes the slate clean so he can build one from nothing. Step Two: Bomb them after c...