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• John Semley
A Rob Schneider Comedy Show May Be Long And Expensive, But At Least It’s Boring
The last good website.
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• John Semley
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• Israel Daramola
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• Kelsey McKinney
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• Kathryn Xu
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• Luis Paez-Pumar
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• Tom Ley
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• Barry Petchesky
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• Ray Ratto
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• Ray Ratto
Welcome back to Minor Dilemmas, where a member of Defector's Parents Council will answer your questions on surviving family life. Have a question? Email us at minordilemmas@defector.com.
This week, Ray offers advice on how to get your toddler to sit down to eat at the dinner table.
At Easter dinner, my two year old refused to sit in his chair. Reasoning, threatening, and pleading made no difference. I then had the desperate idea to conjure up a monster to help: I told him that the Easter bunny puts bad little boys in Easter eggs and turns them into chocolate if they don't listen to parents. He immediately stayed in his chair. I've since brought up the Easter bunny twice when he's behaving badly and: prompt, complete compliance. Is this good parenting, or great parenting?
Defector
• Lauren Theisen
Defector
• Patrick Redford
Ciao e buongiorno! This week on the show, we welcomed back your friend and ours Giri Nathan to talk about the NBA playoffs and some other stuff. As to the former: Our discussion took place hours after Giri's beloved Knicks and also beloved Nuggets lost at home in a pair of Game 2s, and those two games took up the bulk of the discussion. We also got to Harry's impression of Jordan Peterson crying about SGA's free throws, my beach-informed theory of the Lakers–Celtics rivalry, and Giri's Nikola Jokic expertise.
As to the other stuff: We also had a lengthy discussion of a16z's horrible new TBPN clone, and the ways it is and is not the future of media, and what that means. We closed the show with some tennis chat, before some guys digging in the street severed Giri's internet connection. This was a fun one!
Defector
• Dave McKenna
Two underfunded and underperforming D.C.-based operations, the Washington Nationals and the National Park Service, showed their asses on social media this week.
The Nats’ Twitter team got the ball rolling with a video that attempted to be ha-ha funny by asking players and a broadcaster to name their “favorite store on the National Mall.” This is part of the cancer spreading across sports social media staffs, where lots of time and alleged creativity is spent making everybody look and feel dumb. The “joke” is … there are no stores at the National Mall! Gotcha! It’s a national park, not a retail outpost! Get it?
“National Mall, where’s that?” says shortstop C.J. Abrams.
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• Ray Ratto
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• Kathryn Xu
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• Albert Burneko
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• Patrick Redford
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• Drew Magary
Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. You can also read Drew over at SFGATE, and buy Drew’s books while you’re at it. Today, we're talking juicers, the Spock market, airplane seat prep, and more.
Your letters:
Brendan:
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• Israel Daramola
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• Lauren Theisen
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• Drew McQuade
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• Barry Petchesky
Patriots' Day in Massachusetts is known for two things: the Boston Marathon and Here Comes The Pizza. No longer. The third Monday in April will forevermore be remembered as the day Cribl, Axonius, and Netskope were at Fenway Park. No need to clean out your ears, you heard me correctly: Cribl, Axonius, and Netskope.

I'm not sure you understand what a big deal this is. Cribl, Axonius, and Netskope! Three of the entities of all time! Will wonders never cease? Cribl and Netskope taking in a Red Sox game together, sure. That wouldn't make headlines. Cribl and Axonius? I could see it happening. But Cribl, Axonius, and Netskope? All in one place? At the same time? And in historic Fenway Park? Pull the other one!
Defector
• Ray Ratto
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• Giri Nathan
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• Becca Young
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• Tom Ley
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• Lauren Theisen
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• Kathryn Xu
Forget what the scouting report said about Munetaka Murakami before he came over to MLB from the NPB. As we all know, foreign scouting is not real. Big bombs are real, and Murakami has, in his three most recent games games with the Chicago White Sox, delivered three big bombs. One of them even had the additional oomph of being his first career grand slam.
Defector
• Luis Paez-Pumar
Last week, I wrote that Manchester City had to intervene and stop the Arsenal title march, mainly for my own personal enjoyment. While some of you rightfully didn't appreciate that, you can't argue with the results. Arsenal came out on Sunday at City's stadium ready to play and still lost, 2-1, ceding control of the title race with just five matches left in its season.
The stats won't back the argument that Arsenal did anything particularly exciting yesterday, at least at face value. City dominated possession, 59-41, and had 15 shots to Arsenal's nine (five to three on target differential). Arsenal's only goal came from a Gianluigi Donnarumma mistake:
Defector
• Maitreyi Anantharaman
Our Monday crossword is pretty dope. This week's puzzle was constructed by Zachary Edward-Brown and Mishkin Filstrup, and edited by Hoang-Kim Vu. Zach and Mishkin are high school friends from Chicago. Zach enjoys soccer and basketball and rooting for the Bears. Mishkin enjoys playing golf with his family and running track with his friends.
Defector crosswords, launched in partnership with our friends at AVCX, run every Monday. If you’re interested in submitting a puzzle to us, you can read our guidelines HERE. Please note that submissions will be closed from April 1 to May 1.
Defector
• Ben Dowsett
Monty McCutchen remembers the play unfolding in front of him.
With just under two minutes left in Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals, the game tied at 89, Golden State's Andre Iguodala grabbed a rebound and dribbled up the floor. He was coming right at McCutchen, who was backpedaling and would end up as the "lead" official positioned underneath the basket Iguodala was sprinting toward. Iguodala and teammate Steph Curry bore down on J.R. Smith, the only Cleveland Cavalier back on defense; Iguodala passed it off to Curry, who skipped it straight back. As the closest referee, McCutchen prepared for a contested attempt at the rim.
"I was refereeing J.R. Smith," says McCutchen, one of three officials on the game and now the NBA's senior VP of referee development and training. "I remember thinking, 'You got J.R. Get J.R. Get J.R.'"