Matthew Cuthbert was a silent man. He drove a buggy. Mrs. Rachel Lynde, a loud, fat woman, watched him drive by. - - -
Matthew saw an ugly girl with freckles and red hair. The hair was in braids. He said nothing to her. He stuttered as he spoke to the orphanage head. The orp...
There was a time when a man did not film the fish. You learned about the shark when you saw it break the surface. The shark is not interested in ratings. Still the men come. They bring waterproof 4K cameras and podcasts and livestreams that do not truly live. They call it a ...
The Short and Disastrous Life of the World’s Biggest Newspaper - - -
I hesitate a moment at Stanford University’s Special Collections desk. “I got in touch about seeing the Constellation? The newspaper from 1859?” I ask Tim Noakes, the library’s head of public services. “Oh...
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! - - -
I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! - - -
I REMAIN FULLY AWARE OF WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! - - -
IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS SINCE “LAST SUMMER” WAS ACTUALLY LAST SUMMER, BUT WE BOTH KNOW WHICH SUMMER I’M REFERRING TO, SO THERE’S NO NEED T...
“The Pentagon has signed a multi-million dollar deal to begin using Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence chatbot, Grok, as part of a wider rollout of AI tools for government use, the Department of Defense confirmed… it comes just days after Grok sparked backlash for spouting ...
The Short and Disastrous Life of the World’s Biggest Newspaper - - -
I hesitate a moment at Stanford University’s Special Collections desk. “I got in touch about seeing the Constellation? The newspaper from 1859?” I ask Tim Noakes, the library’s head of public services. “Oh...
1. Were Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein friends? A. I don’t know. B. If by “friends” you mean that the two men partied together at Mar-a-Lago, that they hung out repeatedly, that Trump called Jeff a “fun” and “terrific guy” who liked women “on the younger side” and compared...
“In recent months, a curious fixation has emerged in corners of academia: the em dash. More specifically, the apparent moral panic around how it is spaced. A dash with no spaces on either side? That must be AI-generated writing. Case closed.” — Joseph Mellors, Inside Higher...
Once upon a time, success for a company like Union Busting Toxic Death Factory Inc. was merely turning a profit. But these days, people want companies that care about more. Somehow, there is a perception out there that Union Busting Toxic Death Factory Inc. is just some kind...
Once upon a time, success for a company like UnionBustingToxicDeathFactory Inc. was merely turning a profit. But these days, people want companies that care about more. Somehow, there is a perception out there that UnionBustingToxicDeathFactory Inc. is just some kind of unio...
I don’t know what I was expecting to find at that Center City Wawa just about half past twelve. Besides cheap hoagies, of course. And a sixty-four-ounce Turkey Hill peach tea. I dunno, maybe I’d try to steal a bag of Lay’s Salt & Vinegar as well. But what I didn’t expect...
The new Panera flavored lemonade is 150 calories in a twenty-ounce cup. This is listed at the very top of the banner on the app, above such paltry details as price and availability. I’m two years postpartum, far enough from the birth of my second child to not really be able ...
To our fellow residents of Pinecone Meadows, thank you—truly—for your patience, your support, and your passive-aggressive Facebook posts over the last seven weeks. This journey has been long, chlorinated, and emotionally complex. However, as of 9:47 this morning, we have dra...
Welcome, soft idiot. You’ve been issued a Human Body, the most fragile, overpromised, poorly updated model in the known universe. It arrives preloaded with ten to fourteen irrational fears, a vague longing for something you can’t name, and knees made of soup. Please review t...
1. Thirteen-year-olds work unsupervised in ninety-degree heat. 2. The water contains disturbingly high levels of mercury and pee. 3. Strictest workplace safety regulation: NO RUNNING sign. 4. Its leader stars in garish commercials that wake you up at 3 a.m., and his eyes fol...
JADEN, COLLEGE STUDENT: “It was second semester senior year. I was quietly chatting with classmates before our French literature exam. That’s when an older woman, like, much older, busted into the lecture hall.” CHLOE, COLLEGE STUDENT: “We all jumped. No one knew who she was...
Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent to track them, to e...
To our valued customers, For decades, we have provided you with top-quality care. Or, when we don’t want to provide you with care, we provide top-quality explanations as to why you aren’t entitled to it. Customers often express frustration with our company, as these denials ...
“After two incredible years, I’ve decided to step down as CEO of 𝕏.” — Linda Yaccarino, in a X post announcing her resignation from the social media platform. - - -
When I was first offered the chance to take over Murder House—back when it was still called Bellwether Manor—t...
“We watch not because of the animals’ beauty alone, or because of what we learn from watching, but because the webcam—like a memento mori—trains our attention on the now.” - - -
DISCUSSED: Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute; Front Royal, Virginia; Cheetah Cub Cam; N...
Okay, we’re just going to come right out and say it: We mistook your grandmother for another patient and brought her in for surgery this morning. This happens from time to time. Thankfully, the surgery went well. Still, we think it’s important to be as transparent as possibl...
Hold up! I know what ur thinking. A law firm sliding into my DMs? Basic AF. Well, we might be a law firm, but we are bussin. No cap! Fr fr. So, I know a lot of y’all out there fw MrBeast. Str8 up a lot of folx do. Or did. Maybe u even did some gig work for bruh. Maybe u even...
“Trump’s Medicaid cuts are coming for rural Americans: ‘It’s going to have to hit them first.’ Experts worry the tax-and-spending bill will gut healthcare and hospitals, especially in states like North Carolina.” — The Guardian - - -
The Department of Health and Human Servic...
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - -
Before 2013, no...
Nirvana “The Spirit of People Aged Twenty and Older Is Odorless” The Cure “I’m Not in Love, Which Is How I Know Today Isn’t Friday” Bruce Springsteen “Do You Know What It’s Like to Be Someone Who Isn’t on Fire? Because I Don’t” Beastie Boys “Pacifists Abdicate Their Right to...
“Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem slammed the ‘ancient system’ used to warn the public of potential weather threats — and vowed the Trump administration plans to ‘fix’ the technology… Sitting next to Gov. Greg Abbott, Noem was asked why the National Weather Service’s ...
Thank you for coming to my press conference. Many people describe the Caldecott Honor–winning tome by Robert McCloskey, which recounts my harrowing tale, with words like “precious” and “adorable.” Truth is, inadvertently switching places with a bear cub and almost being rais...
If Zohran Mamdani does the inevitable and becomes mayor, and if he avoids deportation for committing the most tell-tale sign of a communist—using your hands to eat chicken over rice—New Yorkers might experience a cultural shift not seen since Jay-Z and Alicia Keys convinced ...
Starting later this year, all American women will be required to have a Government-Assigned Life Coach (GALC) in order to maintain US citizenship. According to America’s top scientists, Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan, women’s independent thinking has been officially declared ...
Here at PepsiCo, we take pride in our family of beloved brands, which are enjoyed by billions of consumers all over the world. As evidenced by our numerous corporate-responsibility initiatives, we take our obligations to society seriously, which is why we are writing today t...
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