“The White House is demolishing the entirety of the East Wing to make way for President Trump’s $200 million ballroom, a construction project that is far more extensive than he initially let on, a senior administration official said on Wednesday.” — New York Times - - -
Henr...
“Thieves in balaclavas broke into Paris’ Louvre museum on Sunday morning, using a crane to smash an upstairs window, then stealing priceless objects from an area that houses the French crown jewels before escaping on motorbikes.” — Reuters - - -
I am the best at what I do. ...
Hooray, you’re on the list. Take this buzzer, stand across the street in that puddle, and wait for a little shock. The estimated wait time is six hours. And don’t be surprised if we’re not here when your table is called. We could be anywhere at any time. However, we’re usual...
Twenty-four crystal champagne flutes: I love entertaining, so these beautiful champagne flutes are a must-have for the elegant sit-down dinner parties I’ll be hosting. I considered asking for thirty-six, but decided to cut down the guest list. Everyone loves being invited to...
Hey, it’s me, the closest trail to the metropolis, and I’m begging you to take your midlife crisis elsewhere. Every week, a fresh crop of you forty-something corporate marauders comes on pilgrimage like I’m your personal Annapurna. I’m a two-mile gravel slope with a play are...
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - -
A quick note f...
“Moving to the center would enable Democrats to confront [Trump] more aggressively and effectively because voters would see them as credible.” — From “The Partisans Are Wrong: Moving to the Center Is the Way to Win” by The New York Times Editorial Board - - -
American politi...
Sure, it was a huge bummer that they cut funding for fixing the streets in our town. We enjoyed going places. But, overall, it’s worth it for the tax cuts we expect any day now. I mean, at least we owned the libs. Libs love streets. Did you see that video of Trump dumping sh...
"Elijah Clark, a consultant who advises companies on AI implementation, is blunt about the bottom line. ’CEOs are extremely excited about the opportunities that AI brings,” he says. ’As a CEO myself, I can tell you, I’m extremely excited about it. I’ve laid off employees mys...
“The U.S. Supreme Court, hearing arguments Wednesday over a core provision of the Voting Rights Act, appeared inclined to limit the use of the landmark law to force states to draw electoral districts favorable to minority voters.” — AP News - - -
The Supreme Court appears po...
In which an artist discusses making a particular work. - - -
I met Richard Ayoade, the brilliant British author of The Unfinished Harauld Hughes, which is out in paperback this September from Faber, because (possibly through some misunderstanding) he asked me to appear as a...
“The Supreme Court is beginning a new term with a sharp focus on President Donald Trump’s robust assertion of executive power.” — ABC News - - -
United States Military v. Citizens America’s armed forces, backed by their commander-in-chief, accuse Portland and Chicago residen...
Dear Troops, First off, welcome! We’ve been anticipating your arrival in our city, where the wind blows like our reported crime rate, so hold on to your MAGA hats and ski masks. The weather changes hourly; prepare for simultaneous sunburn and frostbite. Our humidity smells ...
Thanks for coming in. Have a seat. I realize there’s a lot going on right now between work and the seven-headed dragon that is here to brutally murder us, but I really need you to focus. As you know, this is a critical time for our company, and every individual needs to be a...
Agatha Christie: “I bet I could murder them and get away with it.” Ernest Hemingway: “For sale. Two testicles. Never used.” George R. R. Martin: “Hold on, I’ll tell you later…” Cormac McCarthy: “The man stands. Jaw slacked and mouth opened black and round like a charred spid...
“Thousands of private messages reveal young GOP leaders joking about gas chambers, slavery, and rape…. Vice President JD Vance downplayed [the] bigoted messages, suggesting they were nothing more than ‘edgy, offensive jokes.’” — Politico - - -
If you ever needed proof that w...
Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent to track them, to e...
You probably don’t hear “River of Dreams” much anymore. It’s never on the radio, and no one is streaming that song of their own free will. But here in my dental practice, I hear “River of Dreams” at least fifteen times a day. Once per appointment, in fact. Honestly, it’s out...
For fifteen years or so, I’d been kicking around the idea of resurrecting the artist-apprentice model that reigned in the art world for hundreds of years. Again and again, I’d heard from young people who lamented the astronomical and ever-rising cost of art school. For many ...
Anytime you arrive at an event dressed similarly to another guest, things can feel a bit awkward. But the Vatican is notoriously secretive. You had no way of knowing what kind of huge hat the pope would be wearing tonight. Nevertheless, you’re in this mess, here’s what to do...
Thanks for reaching out. Yes, I’m interested in your one-week project, which you’ve described as a “sprint”—a fun euphemism for seven days of sheer panic. When do you need me? Darn, I’ll actually be on a cruise with my family that week, but I suppose I could find a quiet cor...
Sorry, new kid, we’re already sitting here. Hang on, are you Christopher Columbus? I’m India. People keep saying you can’t stop talking about me. They say you’ve been, like, looking for me? Weird. Wait, I heard you found a whole other country and thought it was me. Is that t...
Thank you for attending our company’s all-hands. It’s been an incredible eight years since we launched the first version of the Small Child. I’m not embarrassed to say that initially, we had a suboptimal product-market fit. The UX was terrible, and first-time users had no id...
A QUARTERLY column from Carrie Brownstein, who is better at dispensing advice than taking it - - -
Q: I’m an adult. I bathe. And yet people keep giving me soap. My mom slipped a bar into my Easter basket this year. My best friend gifted me a bourbon-scented soap for my birt...
“Friday” – Rebecca Black “Temporal Awareness Cantata in G Major for Adolescent Voice and Auto-Tuned Choir (‘Hebdomadal Celebration’)” “Mambo No. 5” – Lou Bega “Polygamous Dance Catalog in F Major for German-Cuban Vocalist. Homage to Monica, Erica, Rita, Sandra, Tina, Mary, J...
I’m a proud mother of five who is obsessed with keeping her monkeys healthy. Some people think it’s crazy how much time I spend making sure everything in their environment is safe, nutritious, and natural. Those same people probably think I’m a bad mom for letting my little ...
Jacket? Check. Wallet? Check. Keys? Well, obviously, you’re driving, you big gavone. Okay, Danny, this is gonna be your night. They’re gonna be shocked to see you. The guy every girl wanted and every guy wanted to be. The capital-C Cool Cat who flew into the clouds in a 1948...
Art by Matt Smith - - -
Now, evuhryone knows that the Vikings were some sehriously hahdco’ah fuckin’ fightahs. ‘Cept most’ah ‘em actually didn’t go a-viking as they just stayed there in their frigid fuckin’ homelands fahmin’ n’ fishin’ n’ shit. But those that did go a-vikin...
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cry. ‘Let’s do the f***ing news,’ she declared.” — The Independent - - -
TO: NEWSROOM FROM: ANIMAL, NEW EDITOR-IN-CHIEF SUBJECT: A...
Foot tapping (beats 2 and 4!). Head shaking (all beats, heavier on beats 2 and 4). Hand drumming on every surface—steering wheel, tables, grocery cart. Get excited when, in the noise of the mall, you hear the perfect high-hat rhythm. Only to find that it’s coming from a coff...
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