“MAHA for airports: Trump officials pitch mini-gyms, more play areas.” —Washington Post - - -
Hello, travelers. I’m the airport’s shiny new pull-up bar, and I’m ushering in a bold era of aviation wellness absolutely no one asked for. As my boys, Transportation Secretary Sea...
1. To look something up quickly and then spend twenty minutes fact-checking the AI summary, only to find out that it was absolutely wrong. 2. To search for directions and two hours later end up with five items in your Amazon cart. 3. To receive results as ten-second videos t...
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INVICTA GAMES, LTD. Packaging Team — Official Minutes Project: Mastermind / New Cover Presentation MARTIN SMITH (Marketing Senior Vice President): Okay. Gary’s got a new cover comp. Gary, walk us through your vision. GARY LARKIN (Design Lead): Right. Here it is. Bla...
“A federal vaccine committee took a major step toward Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s goal of remaking the childhood vaccine schedule, voting to end a decades-long recommendation that all newborns be immunized at birth against hepatitis B, a highly infectious virus ...
Season’s Greetings from the Mortons! We know many of you look forward to opening your mailbox each December to receive the Morton annual Christmas card and extensive family newsletter. It brings us no good tidings to let you know that we’ve made the difficult decision to pay...
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A few pieces of creative advice shared by Debbie Harry: You can’t please everyone all the time You can never make a big enough fool of yourself Use the perspective you’ve earned - - -
As my plans to interview Debbie Harry and Chris Stein of Blondie for The Believer ...
SYNOPSIS High school is no picnic for anyone, but especially if you’re one of Shakespeare’s most iconic leading men. Hamlet might be the big man on campus, but that doesn’t mean he’s got it all figured out. This drama puts a much-needed spin on a classic by imagining a world...
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a man whose works included reviving the bodies of three children slain by a serial murderer, Santa Claus reinvented himself in th...
Dear Soft Millennial Man, You’ve been quiet lately, but we know you’re still out there. You’re probably hiding out at Whole Foods until this whole “is America a dictatorship?” question gets settled. Smart move. Hopefully, this letter reaches you before you stumble through a ...
“[Secretary of War] Hegseth ordered a lethal attack but not the killing of survivors, officials say… Amid talk of war crimes, the details and precise sequence of a Sept. 2 attack on a boat in the Caribbean are facing intensifying scrutiny.” — New York Times - - -
Can we all ...
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You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - -
Sorry, Silicon...
When you’re going to a concert or a sporting event, you’re worried about one thing: Will the stadium have an endless parking lot packed with thousands and thousands of cars, making entry and exit a living nightmare? Rest assured, when the city gave us the green light to buil...
McSweeney’s
• Wendi Aarons, Miriam Jayaratna, and Emily Flake
“Forget the sex; the real scandal here is the crime against language.” — Brian Phillips, The Ringer, on Olivia Nuzzi’s new memoir, American Canto, about her affair with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. - - -
“I desired. He desired me desiring. He desired to desire my desiring. It was t...
Thank you for dialing 911. Your call is very important to us. Please listen carefully, as our options have recently changed. To hear about our new subscription service, press 1. Are you tired of long response times? Tapping your foot while your house burns down? Consider upg...
(With apologies to Tim O’Brien) - - -
Mike carried Eggo waffles for a girl named Eleven. They were not love waffles, but Mike Sheets was hoping, so he carried the box of Eggos down the stairs to the basement. During science class at Hawkins Middle School or trick-or-treating...
Due to the overwhelming number of anticipated brawls this Thanksgiving, we decided to streamline your day with an Official Family Thanksgiving Fight Schedule. This is a double-elimination tournament that will abide by UFC rules.1 MOM vs. GRANDMA 1:00 p.m. / Living Room This ...
REPORTER: I’m here live with Uncle Bill just moments after Thanksgiving dinner. Bill, can you walk us through what happened tonight? UNCLE BILL: Sure, I mean, obviously, I’m not happy with the result. Before we took our places, I was informed I’d be sitting at the kids’ tabl...
“President Donald Trump on Wednesday sought to bring a swift end to perhaps the most damaging saga of his term, signing a measure compelling the release of the Epstein files after losing a monthslong, tooth-and-nail fight to prevent their disclosure.” – CNN - - -
Congress fi...
Here’s how this is gonna go: First, you will step up to the rental counter only when I give you The Look. The Look is not markedly different from my resting face. In fact, it’s no different at all. But it’s your job to recognize The Look, so pay attention. If, upon your turn...
Making popcorn again, huh, Snoopy? Keep it up. Sounds like pure nostalgia, especially with the way this year’s been going. I bet Linus would’ve called those popping kernels “little pangs of painful joy,” or something equally poetic, but of course, he’s not coming this year. ...
I’ve been bred fine, Mr. President. Finer than the rest. When the light comes up over the pens, it strikes my feathers like a torch, and I know it is not the sun but the world itself come to see me. They say a bird cannot understand destiny, but they never met a bird with mi...
I’ve been bred fine, Mr. President. Finer than the rest. When the light comes up over the pens, it strikes my feathers like a torch, and I know it is not the sun but the world itself come to see me. They say a bird cannot understand destiny, but they never met a bird with mi...
Over the river and through the woods, To Grandmother’s house we go; At the airport on time, which is good cause the lines Are moving super slow. Over the river and through the screens Then stuck at security I’ve been patted down and thrown to the ground Due to my lithium bat...
Dear colleagues, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I’m officially done saying sorry. As a woman, I feel the flippant use and misuse of this word gives away my power, if that makes any sense. If you have any free time this week or next, or even in the next coup...
A quarterly column, steady as ever. - - -
Books read: Love’s Labour: How We Break and Make the Bonds of Love—Stephen Grosz Affairs: True Stories of Love, Lies, Hope and Desire—Juliet Rosenfeld The Light Years—Elizabeth Jane Howard Books bought: Working the Room: Essays and ...
1. There’s a turkey neck situation. 2. Is it four thousand degrees in the kitchen, or is it just you? 3. You love your family, but you also wish they’d leave you alone so you can watch Gilmore Girls and eat mashed potatoes. 4. You’re so bloated that you feel like a float in ...
Who dares enter my domain!? Don’t you know who I am? You think a lowly peon such as yourself is worthy of my precious time? Because, jeez Louise, I am absolutely slammed right now. Tremble before me: I am the judge, jury, and executioner! I could slap a death sentence on you...
“President Trump assailed an American journalist in the Oval Office on Tuesday for asking Saudi Arabia’s crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman, about the violent death of a Washington Post columnist at the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul in 2018. ‘You don’t have to embarrass our gue...
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