“In announcing the U.S. military strike on Iran, President Donald Trump went significantly beyond his previous justification of destroying the country’s nuclear program. He’s now also calling for regime change—and encouraging the Iranian people to rise up and overthrow their...
Before you ask, yes—I’m actually okay. I can feel you hesitating, the way people do when they lower their expectations out of politeness. You ask this question as if it comes with a proviso, like something unfortunate but manageable is about to happen to your lunch. But I’ve...
Men, guys, dudes, rejoice! After much research and testing, we have found the cure to the cursed male loneliness epidemic that is sweeping our country and our op-ed sections. We know you feel isolated. We know you can’t talk about your emotions. We know you’re looking for ma...
“Trump’s best foreign policy? Not starting any wars… He has my support in 2024 because I know he won’t recklessly send Americans to fight overseas.” — JD Vance, in an op-ed in The Wall St. Journal, 7/31/23 - - -
I like to think of myself as someone who takes responsibility. ...
Dear Sir/Madam, While we are always on the lookout for the Next Big Thing, the editors regret to inform you that your manuscript, in its current form, is rejected on grounds of being unrealistic, absurdly optimistic, and, frankly, preferable to the current projections for th...
- - -
A one-off, sports-issue special. - - -
Books read:
Football Against the Enemy: How the World’s Most Popular Sport Starts and Fuels Revolutions and Keeps Dictators in Power—Simon Kuper
Brilliant Orange: The Neurotic Genius of Dutch Football—David Winner
The Season—...
Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent to track them, to e...
I have an announcement: I am dyeing my hair brown—deep, thick, chocolatey brown. I do this to signal I am entering a period of mental and emotional darkness. I am embracing the winter. I am welcoming in the gloom. Gone are the halcyon days of being a “bronde.” Bronde me said...
In the winter here, it’s not unusual to see a car on the side of I-35. Minneapolis is the first place I’ve ever lived that, when I described a recent-ish car accident I was in, multiple people said, “Now, you live here.” The first time I heard someone say it, I was too grump...
I read the news. I hear the cries for help. “New York has a housing crisis.” “The cost of food is too high in New York.” “Crime is too high in New York.” “Crime is too low in New York.” “Zohran will save us.” “Zohran will kill us all.” And to this I say: “You have no fucking...
“My fellow Americans, our nation is back—bigger, better, richer and stronger than ever before.” — Donald Trump during his State of the Union - - -
My fellow Americans, I stand before you tonight to make one thing very clear: we are richer than ever before. You aren’t, of cou...
Hitchcock/Truffaut. Cahiers du Cinéma. Documentary Now! The best film texts touch our lives and leave an indelible imprint on our shared cultural experience, deepening and enriching our relationships with this most universal of modern artistic genres. In this new, fully rev...
State Of The Union February 24, 2026 Washington, DC 8:52 PM: The State of the Union is opened by House Majority Leader Mike Johnson, who has been released from his medium-sized dog cage specially for this evening. He welcomes congressional attendees with a giggle, as this is...
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as invested in keeping my job as the next weaver. When the boss brought in that big new power loom, I was pretty skeptical. He said once he got it up and running, we’d all be out of a job, so when the boys started talking about breaking into the facto...
Brands like Chipotle, Dunkin, and Starbucks have started offering new protein-dense menu items. Here are more companies making exciting protein-based revamps. Jamba Juice This sweet smoothie brand is branching out into savory, high-protein options. Try the “shepherd’s pie” s...
Higher education faces looming threats from every direction. Dwindling enrollments. The demographic cliff. The enduring myth that professors have the time, inclination, and personal charm to brainwash the nation’s youth. Fire. Brimstone. Eternal damnation. The philosophy dep...
If we, two normal-style people, were to compete in the Winter Olympics, we would immediately die. Here’s how: Cross-Country Skiing 10K: We struggle to get on our skis and stand up at the starting line. Once we finally get going, we’re good for about five minutes and then are...
“The Supreme Court dealt a major blow to President Trump’s economic policy on Friday, ruling that he had exceeded his authority when he imposed tariffs on nearly every U.S. trading partner.” — New York Times - - -
Thank you for bringing this issue to the Supreme Court’s atte...
- - -
Reporting poolside from Don Nelson’s home on Maui, where the Hall of Fame NBA coach is enjoying a dog-filled and largely barefoot retirement. - - -
I call Don Nelson from my rental car, which I’ve parked by some food trucks near the Kahului Airport. It rings through, ...
He lives with your family, and he’s sort of your brother. Not a red flag. Because he’s not your actual brother, and everyone has already met the parents. He is repeatedly bullied by your actual brother. Not a red flag. Kids are resilient, and there is no evidence that indiv...
I would like to begin by thanking Robert James Ritchie, aka “Kid Rock,” for the many years of steady employment that he has provided me, the adjective “Kid.” It has been a wild, sleeveless, never-eating-your-vegetables ride. However, after deep reflection and several unsucce...
“President Trump announced he was erasing the scientific finding that climate change endangers human health and the environment, ending the federal government’s legal authority to control the pollution that is dangerously heating the planet.” — New York Times - - -
The EPA w...
The lawman, Emmett Bransky, stands with his back to the outlaw “Coyote” Roscoe Higgins in the middle of Main Street mere minutes before high noon. Emmett gently adjusts his modest 6-Gallon hat. His 36-Pint vest is buttoned up to the collar, and his 4-Teaspoon belt buckle spa...
Picture it: Los Angeles in 1985. I’d moved there two years earlier to make it as a model, but all I had to show for it was a couple of car shows, one page of a local JCPenney circular, and a weekly “session” at Chateau Marmont with a freaky rich dude who I can’t say more abo...
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - -
“I’ve been thin...
Glad I went with ominous drumbeats as the beckoning call, all four players looking upon the game with wonder and dread. Woodwinds/sitars would have been a mistake. Game instructions clear enough to be understood by players, vaguely threatening enough to unnerve them. Stru...
My dear constituents, Like you, I am deeply troubled by the Atrocity Machine’s recent activity. It is a stain on our nation, and we must take action. With this in mind, I am proud to announce that we are dedicating billions of dollars to the Atrocity Machine. Don’t think thi...
It has been quite a while since we last checked in with our favorite time-traveling teenagers, and Hitflix is pulling out all the stops for Time Warriors ’ blockbuster final season. Given how long it has been since the prior season aired, if you’re having trouble remembering...
I work as an Imagineer at The Hall of Presidents in Walt Disney World Resort. It’s a fine attraction that features our state-of-the-art Audio-Animatronics and realistic robots that embody the 45 men who have held America’s highest office. Shows have been running smoothly for...
From the people behind Books, come Books, For Men. Books, For Men have thick, sturdy pages. Built for a man’s eyeballs. Books, For Men are nonfiction. Imagination is not For Men. Books, For Men involve a subtitle, and that subtitle involves the phrase “Suicide Mission.” Avai...
Subscribe
